I'm back........ again ha ha ha

Hola! After recent events I wasn't sure whether I would have the time or energy to keep up with a blog...... however after some thought I decided that my blog could be my outlet just like it had been when I was a stay at home mom. So here I am starting my life over....... I'm always one to be optimistic so I've found the silver lining to having to get an apartment......... DECORATING it!!!!!!! lol

I'm starting over with a new palate and hopefully a house that I will just absolutely love! Here are some of my new purchases and upcoming ones! Let me know what you think!

Below is my bedroom palate! I have black clean line furniture that I will pair with the khaki, powder blue and crisp white. The white piece on the left is a duvet cover and euro shams from Pottery Barn. The blue piece on the right is from a washed velvet pillow sham and coverlet set.... also from pottery barn. And the last piece is my favorite! It's a sheet set that I was lucky enough to find at TJ Max! I've decided to take the flat and fitted sheet and make them into bedroom curtains...... with a little blackout lining they will be the perfect drapes to pull the room together!!!

Here's the stuff for the living room! I wanted to bring the blue from my bedroom throughout the rest of my house so I was lucky to find these velvet blue pillow covers. They also had a pin tucked pillow case in cream that I thought would be a nice neutral and would add some more texture to the couch. The fabric at the bottom is a fabulous set of curtains! It should hopefully bring all the colors together and give everything some kick!
Loving the colors...... hopefully it all comes together!!!

News!

Well, I have some interesting news...... just as I started saying in a previous post I was going to stay on top of blogging..... my whole world changed! Now, I have been debating on whether to put this out into the blogging world but I finally decided to spill my guts because this little place has become not only about my interest in running and keeping a home but a release to say what I think without feeling gagged and bound by my words! So to get back to the point........ I am getting a divorce!

The day after writing my last post I found out that my husband had been cheating on me...... my whole world instantly fell apart because I built my whole life around that man and our family and in just an instant our little happy life together went up in smoke.

During the time that my husband and I were dating we both agreed that cheating was the one thing that would lead to a divorce..... but I never thought in a million years that my husband would do this. I will spare you all some the details but my husband didn't cheat on me one random night with some girl at some bar..... he had a 6 month relationship with some woman from high school that he reconnected with over facebook. For a little bit I thought I could get past it and forgive him if it was one time and it was some drunken moment but when I found out that he not only talked to her for attention but they often talked about me and our marriage problems. Needless to say I have been devastated but I have to be strong not because I feel like that is the only way to get through this but because I have two little girls that depend on me for everything and if I break down and stay in bed they are not getting the mother that the deserve and need!

Now many of you might be asking why I would post something to deeply personal on my blog.......... well I have this bottled up in side. My heart is shattered and I can't express it because I am constantly busy all day with my girls and no one seems to truly understand how this has killed me. I thought that this could be therapeutic for me and maybe help some other woman that might be going through this!

I have gotten a million pieces of unsolicited advice..... several people have asked me if I am sure he was cheating and if I would consider staying with him.... at least for our daughters. Here's the short answer yes and no. Yes, I do positively know that my husband was cheating. He has admitted everything to me! And no I won't stay with him. It's not because I don't love him..... I very much do! It's that I have turned into this woman who I don't recognize. I don't want to spend everyday for the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. I don't want to be the crazy wife that can't get over what my husband did and punish him for the rest of his life!

I've chosen to leave for these simple facts.......

1. I have spent our whole relationship focusing on what he wanted..... I gave up on my dreams and ambitions because it wasn't going to serve the greater cause, my family. No one asked me but I did it because I thought that supporting my husband and helping him find what he wanted in life was more important than some silly dream of mine. Besides all I have ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother but not like this. I have realized that loving myself and taking care of me is just as important as loving my husband and my children.

2. My girls deserve better than a mother that settled. I don't want to stay with my husband because it's easier than leaving, or because I didn't have any other options. I deserve to be treated with respect and that is not what I was getting while my husband and I were planning to renew our vows while he was having a relationship with another woman. I want them to know that no matter what happens you can get through it...... you can chase your dreams and find a better you after the dust settles. And at the end of the day they will be happier with two parents that are apart and have a friendship then two parents that are married and unhappy!


So there's my news! Not good news but I am going to make the best of it! I'll be going back school to finish my degree and I am bound and determined to create a meaningful and happy childhood for my children.... because you only get one chance with your kids!!!!! I hope that when my girls are my age and look back at this time in their lives they will respect and admire me the way I respect and admire my mother! I know that it won't be easy and there will be unbearable times but I'll get through this...... and not only will I make it out a better Tiffany but a better mom!

PS:
I heard this quote from the movie The Women and it really resonated with me so I wanted to share:

"It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream you know the one when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but its all out of your control, you cant trust anything anymore, no one is who they say they are, your life is changed forever, and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no one will be able to break your heart like that again."

2 Minnie's Visited Our House!

You'll never guess who came all the way to little ole' me in Wyoming from Disney World.....

Not 1 but 2 Minnie Mouses! Yep, I am a very lucky girl! And just look how cute these Minnie's are!!!!

Miss Gracie chillin in the stroller

The girls trying to pose together, (why is it that no one can ever look at the camera at the same time?)

Almost the perfect picture though Teagan couldn't sit still because she always has to see what the picture looks like once I take it!

Here's the little ham again!

I must say for being homemade the Minnie outfits turned out pretty cute!

I hope everyone had a fabulous Halloween... and unlike me didn't eat too much candy!

Finally another post! ha ha ha

I know I know...... I write a post about organizing my blog and posting more often and then I don't post something f-o-r-e-v-e-r! ha ha ha I've been a little busy but I'm now getting back to posting, hopefully on a daily basis but don't hold me to it!

Anywho, one of the busy projects has been putting in hardwood flooring.... okay it's laminate hardwood flooring, but it looks dang good! Almost like the real thing!

Here they are next to the soon to be "old" drapes...

A close up (probably shouldn't have taken one where you could see the seam oops)

A little blurry but here's the work in progress...

and more progress!

After about two days we had the floor finished but we have yet to finish the baseboard or transition trim! Hopefully, we get that done by the new year..... lol I guess it's just another thing to go on the list!

Ideas.....

So after looking around at the blogging community I decided I wanted to give my blog a little more structure! I want to post more about my experiences as a stay at home mom and what it is I do everyday. I also thought it would be a great to start blogging about meal planning and cooking! It's always fun to see how other moms structure their day and get some tips on how to be a more efficient stay at home mama! I know I can use some help! Okay some days a lot of help!

Here's the categories for posts to come:

Food Planner Post

Holiday Planner Post: Halloween

Holiday Planner Post: Thanksgiving

Christmas Planner Post (Yes I know that Christmas is still more than 2 months away but I'll explain why I am posting this!)

Budgeting - my ongoing learning process

Sewing- how I "Tiffany" rig everything I sew so it looks good but doesn't take me near as long as the "proper way" would

Cooking: My Mom's Recipes

Decorating

My Babies

I'm excited to have more direction for my blog..... maybe it will be a little more user friendly and show more of my day to day!

Fall Door Wreath

Made a little stop by Hobby Lobby and here's what I found......

and here's what I made with it! A new fall door decoration!

I usually do a grape vine wreath but I thought I would switch it up a bit! I like it!

Happy Fall!!!

Changed my blog name!

Sorry for any confusion! I had to change the name... it fits better and it's a small play on words!

Entryway Redo and more thinking too......

So here's the first item of business..... the entryway! This is the before.

Not horrible but hey if I'm not in love with it... you can bet I'm changing it!

Drum roll please.....

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.Ta da!

Here it is.... okay it probably didn't need that much of a buildup, but I love it!!!

We painted (and when I say we I mean I painted while my husband sat on a chair and watched ha ha ha) then we hung a pretty track light. I never thought that I would say pretty and track lighting in the same sentence but I was pleasantly surprised! After that I mapped out where I wanted these pretty girls to go and voila......




I still need to make yet another trip down to Colorado to this fabulous furniture store, that I just love, to get a great bench. Whenever I get this done I'll post the totally finished room! lol



Look at my babies! I love these pictures.... (WARNING: sappy moment to follow)....the whole wall shows everything I always envied about the love between sisters!
They are such wonderful little girls and I know every mom loves their babies but come on these girls are just sooooo cute and have personalities to boot! Both are so outgoing and loving!

Okay, I'll stop gushing but I just can't look at those pictures and not burst with pride! lol

Well, now I have to laugh because if you look through my blog I have already changed my living/dining room once.... since we have lived in this house I think I have changed the drapes and decor around 4 times..... ha ha ha and I am totally doing it again!

Here's the thing, my husband could care less what I decorate, how I decorate or when I decorate. He complains but truly has no interest in what color our walls or drapes are at all! So you can imagine my utter shock when my husband over heard me talking to my mom about how I love the color combination of powder blue, white, khaki, and black, and announced to me that he thinks I should change our living room to those colors!

I know right??!!!!?? My eyes popped out of my head! I had to clarify by asking him, "You mean you are telling me that I can totally change all the red and go get all new curtains, pillows.... the whole shebang?"

But here are the words that every wife loves to hear....

"Hunny do whatever you want!"

Well, hubbs you might just eat those words. Okay, maybe it won't be quite that dramatic but I have collected fabric samples and shown my wonderful hubby all of my ideas! (I figure I should see if he likes everything since he's supporting another decorating change!)

So, soon I will be posting all the inspiration I can find.... and hopefully in a few months I will have many more reveals! yay!

Look what I made!

So, here's the flower pins I made from the fabric and feathers from my last blog! I needed something for my daughters' hair and my sweater that would pull all the colors in from our outfits for our family pictures! These are super cute and fun and should work out perfect for the photos!

The new fall door decoration!


The old pictures in my daughters room.....

The new ones.....

Here's all three pictures!

Shopping, Planning, and Decorating

Well, I had quite a successful weekend! My family and I headed down to Cheyenne and Denver.... aka "Mommy's shopping trip" I was so excited to have a little alone time and enjoy some of my favorite stores while the kiddos spent quality time with their Daddy! So here's what I found, bought and what I plan on doing with it all........

I stopped at Barnes and Noble for a little inspiration! Boy, did I find it! I will blog about that later! But here's the book and magazines I got it from!

While in Denver I stopped by Pottery Barn! I was so excited to get some help from their "in store designer"! That was a joke! I brought my curtain fabric, wall colors, and pictures of my living/dining room the way they are now. I think I might have expected too much, but I went in that store hoping that I would find a little help and someone to tell me that I was on track! Instead, I met a snobby lady who seemed to really like my fabric, but she was very negative about being able to help me find accessories and seemed to have no idea about how I could pull my space together. So even though she was stinkin it up big time.... I'm not going to let that stop me! Nope I am just going to keep my own personal designer in my head, "Shelley" from House of Smiths (http://houseofsmiths.blogspot.com/) Unfortunately, I don't have the eye or talent she does, but I am working on it! So here's what I am doing....... making curtains like the ones below out of flax linen and stripes out of my other curtain fabric. It may change a little bit but should look something like this!


Fortunately, my trip to PB wasn't a total loss..... I did find quite a few things! I also found some great things at Pottery Barn Kids, Hobby Lobby, Target, and Sam's Club.

I have been lookin for some big cream pillows and before I made some I thought I would look for something bright yet cozy in PB. Yep, I found them! Look at these lovelies! They are comfy and cuddly and super cute!

I got that wreath and I will be making a centerpiece with it! Those cute pumpkins are the girls Halloween baskets..... there's also white basket that will be lined with a cute seasonal liner and filled with candy and pumpkins!

I made a lovely stop at Hobby Lobby and found some red plaid fabric, black rosettes, and red feathers. I'm hoping I can pull them all together and make a great flower pin for our family pictures!

These fun picture mats came from PB Kids. I wanted to added some more color to Miss Tea's room since it's primarily pink and white.

These great bushes are going to have something to do with the making of a front door extravaganza... ha ha ha!
The foam wreath and black feather boas will hopefully turn out to be a great Halloween wreath.

And last but certainly not least this bag of pine cones smells like fall and though I haven't figured out just where I am going to put them they were just toooo good to pass up! There is also a pretty dish towel from William and Sonoma (on sale yay!) just thought it would be pretty for my kitchen!

Being a stay at home mom........

Sure they look cute and they do make the job that I do worth it! But there are just some days......

When I was younger (high school) I pitied stay at home moms. I thought "How sad it is to not have any ambition and letting your daughters grow up to see a woman letting a man take care of you!" Ohhh how stupid I was then...... little did I know that one day I would at home (because I wasn't able to find a job) taking care of my children, husband, and home.
I always thought that being a SAHM was a luxury for women with wealthy husbands. And that those women sat around and ate chocolate and watched TV all day. Well, I don't get to eat a whole lot period, let along any chocolate...... and yes the TV is on quite often, but not because I am watching it or sitting on the couch! I am here to say that I have learned sooo much after my experiences at work and at home. I thought that maybe if I put my experiences out there and at least just one mom was able to read them that my story might make them feel a little less stressed and a little more normal!

I went back to work six weeks after my oldest daughter was born. I remember crying the first day I had to leave her at the daycare and that night asking my husband what he thought about me ever staying at home. A year passed and my husband moved 4 hours away for a better job. We were able to see each other on some weekends. For awhile I felt like a single mom.... I did everything myself and took care of Teagan all alone. I grew a new respect for my mom since she was a single mom to me and my brother after her divorce from my absent father. For the life of me I couldn't understand how she never missed a school or sporting event, had great dinners made, the house clean, and all while she brought in a income bigger then most of my friends that had married parents! Little did I know that year that my husband and I were apart and while I was learning what it was like to do things by myself, I was preparing to stay at home sooner rather than later.

Eventually, I quit my job and moved to where my husband was. We got a small conservative house because I had yet to find a job. I kept thinking that I would find something quickly and then we could move to a bigger home.... no big deal. Well, here we are three years later and no I don't have a job. I have however, added another little girl, Gracie, to the family. And in the three years that I have been a stay at home I have never (I mean never) worked so hard!!!! I thought taking care of one kid by myself and working was difficult...... At work I was able to sit for more than five minutes, come to work with a shower, talk to other adults, argue with other adults, take a break to get a drink or a snack, take a hour long lunch, and most of all receive a paycheck.... and on a really good day get a "Thank you" or "Good Job" from my boss or co-worker. All without having to take care of a child.

Granted my children are young, but my day starts at 5:30 am when my husband wakes up to go to work. Teagan wakes up when she hears him and then while I am feeding her breakfast Gracie gets up. There are no breaks, because as of yet the girls are not on the same schedule. Most days I don't get a shower and if I do it's because I have made a choice to have one over getting two or three chores done. I probably clean my house more than most because we use it all day. I never had to clean my house this much when I was working cause basically we were only really in it on the weekends.... the rest of the time we ate, bathed and slept there. lol

I cook three square meals a day (most days). And when my husband gets home from a hard days work..... my work day is far from over..... I cook a good dinner, get the girls fed, try to eat somewhere between there, get the girls in the bath, get them to bed, and the finish up some more chores that I didn't have time to do during the day. My head usually hits the pillow around 11 pm... sometimes later if I am working on something for my kids (Ex: painting rooms, making Halloween costumes, sewing hair bows, etc.....) Needless to say, I am exhausted (ALL THE TIME)

I know this sounds like a lot of complaining but I really wish somebody would have told me how hard this job was! Or that you don't have to be perfect...... or that I am doing the most important job..... raising a child. I am very grateful that I have the life I do... that my husband works so hard so that I am able to stay at home and not worry that my kids aren't getting everything they need. But there are days that I beg for a job..... just some kind of a break to breath so I can come back refreshed.

I have never heard another woman say what I have just typed on this blog and for almost 4 years I have felt alone and inadequate........ until in a moment of desperation and pure exhaustion I called my grandmother to explain how I was at the end of my rope..... she said "Every mother has felt this way at some point in their life as a mom.... even those put together, showered, makeup on, nicely dressed moms. Every mom has been tired and worn down and in tears just like you are right now, and I promise this will not be the last time." She went on to tell me about having to raise my uncles and how my mom had times where she was just plain tired. (Which I never knew because my mom would never admit it!)

So through this phone call I thought I would make one small step and say something out loud...... that we are all afraid to admit! I'm not a perfect mom, staying at home is hard, and I wish that instead of other women coming down on me for staying at home.... they would take a long walk in my shoes before judging me because I don't work!

At the end of the day we are all raising our children and trying to be the best moms we can! My husband and I make sure our children have all their needs met and that they are happy...... and shouldn't that really be what every mom, stay at home or not, is working towards.... happy, healthy children!

** I hope this helped any of you girls out there that have wanted to say all these things but just couldn't find the words to!**

Preschool, Paperwork, and Packing

Well, here's my (baby) big girl..... she finally let me straighten her hair so she could look like she actually gets it brushed! I thought it would be a fun time to try it since she started preschool... *tear tear*

Miss Tea posing with her new backpack......

Awwww...... (sorry for the quality of the pictures, bad lighting)

So, all in all it was a great experience! I managed not to cry while dropping her off, Teagan however, did get upset! I guessed she cried for a few minutes after we left and then was back to the bubbly little girl we all know and love! My husband took dropping her off almost as bad as she did! He hates hearing any of his girls crying! Such a sweet daddy!

After a whole 3 hours it was time to pick our school girl up! She went on and on about what a great day she had! I'm glad it turned out to be such a fun time for her!

While the whole preschool experience was going on we also signed Teagan up for dance class! We are starting with a "tumbling" class (aka not a real dance class) just to see how she likes it. If she does well then I will sign her up for the whole 10 month dance class! I know..... 10 months.... I was a little surprised to find out that they didn't have a shorter dance class with a recital for 3 to 4 year olds! Oh well hopefully she enjoys this one!

This weekend we are going to Cheyenne to help my mom flip a house she just bought. While she flips houses she also lives in them so we need my husbands muscles to move the heavy furniture. While she is moving into her "flipping" house we will be cleaning out her other income property, moving her office, and then she is having another surgery on the 8th. Needless to say things are a little busy but, hey busy is fun!

I'm actually thinking about posting a to do list somewhere on my blog...... not that I don't have enough lists in my life! It would be nice to see it every time I am posting on my blog though! Not to mention any readers I do have or will have might help me cross things off said list! lol

After all that useless information...... Have a blessed day!

Hmmm new rug?

See that fabulous curtain panel on the left... I am almost done sewing all that beautiful fabric into some good lookin' curtains.....

And see this not so good lookin living room.... well this is what I am working with right now! I trying to transform it one step at a time!
Anyways, I was browsing around on Pottery Barn's lovely website trying not to enter my debit card number when I came across this baby!!!!! It's a jute rug.... that's on sale! Holler!

This is what that great rug looks like in a professionally designed room!

So now the big dilemma..... should I buy said rug? Hmmm I'm not sure if it will be too much red...... maybe I should go with a nice cream soft one? I just don't know???? Well, please ladies.... help me.... give me your advice! I would love some right about now!!!