Being a stay at home mom........

Sure they look cute and they do make the job that I do worth it! But there are just some days......

When I was younger (high school) I pitied stay at home moms. I thought "How sad it is to not have any ambition and letting your daughters grow up to see a woman letting a man take care of you!" Ohhh how stupid I was then...... little did I know that one day I would at home (because I wasn't able to find a job) taking care of my children, husband, and home.
I always thought that being a SAHM was a luxury for women with wealthy husbands. And that those women sat around and ate chocolate and watched TV all day. Well, I don't get to eat a whole lot period, let along any chocolate...... and yes the TV is on quite often, but not because I am watching it or sitting on the couch! I am here to say that I have learned sooo much after my experiences at work and at home. I thought that maybe if I put my experiences out there and at least just one mom was able to read them that my story might make them feel a little less stressed and a little more normal!

I went back to work six weeks after my oldest daughter was born. I remember crying the first day I had to leave her at the daycare and that night asking my husband what he thought about me ever staying at home. A year passed and my husband moved 4 hours away for a better job. We were able to see each other on some weekends. For awhile I felt like a single mom.... I did everything myself and took care of Teagan all alone. I grew a new respect for my mom since she was a single mom to me and my brother after her divorce from my absent father. For the life of me I couldn't understand how she never missed a school or sporting event, had great dinners made, the house clean, and all while she brought in a income bigger then most of my friends that had married parents! Little did I know that year that my husband and I were apart and while I was learning what it was like to do things by myself, I was preparing to stay at home sooner rather than later.

Eventually, I quit my job and moved to where my husband was. We got a small conservative house because I had yet to find a job. I kept thinking that I would find something quickly and then we could move to a bigger home.... no big deal. Well, here we are three years later and no I don't have a job. I have however, added another little girl, Gracie, to the family. And in the three years that I have been a stay at home I have never (I mean never) worked so hard!!!! I thought taking care of one kid by myself and working was difficult...... At work I was able to sit for more than five minutes, come to work with a shower, talk to other adults, argue with other adults, take a break to get a drink or a snack, take a hour long lunch, and most of all receive a paycheck.... and on a really good day get a "Thank you" or "Good Job" from my boss or co-worker. All without having to take care of a child.

Granted my children are young, but my day starts at 5:30 am when my husband wakes up to go to work. Teagan wakes up when she hears him and then while I am feeding her breakfast Gracie gets up. There are no breaks, because as of yet the girls are not on the same schedule. Most days I don't get a shower and if I do it's because I have made a choice to have one over getting two or three chores done. I probably clean my house more than most because we use it all day. I never had to clean my house this much when I was working cause basically we were only really in it on the weekends.... the rest of the time we ate, bathed and slept there. lol

I cook three square meals a day (most days). And when my husband gets home from a hard days work..... my work day is far from over..... I cook a good dinner, get the girls fed, try to eat somewhere between there, get the girls in the bath, get them to bed, and the finish up some more chores that I didn't have time to do during the day. My head usually hits the pillow around 11 pm... sometimes later if I am working on something for my kids (Ex: painting rooms, making Halloween costumes, sewing hair bows, etc.....) Needless to say, I am exhausted (ALL THE TIME)

I know this sounds like a lot of complaining but I really wish somebody would have told me how hard this job was! Or that you don't have to be perfect...... or that I am doing the most important job..... raising a child. I am very grateful that I have the life I do... that my husband works so hard so that I am able to stay at home and not worry that my kids aren't getting everything they need. But there are days that I beg for a job..... just some kind of a break to breath so I can come back refreshed.

I have never heard another woman say what I have just typed on this blog and for almost 4 years I have felt alone and inadequate........ until in a moment of desperation and pure exhaustion I called my grandmother to explain how I was at the end of my rope..... she said "Every mother has felt this way at some point in their life as a mom.... even those put together, showered, makeup on, nicely dressed moms. Every mom has been tired and worn down and in tears just like you are right now, and I promise this will not be the last time." She went on to tell me about having to raise my uncles and how my mom had times where she was just plain tired. (Which I never knew because my mom would never admit it!)

So through this phone call I thought I would make one small step and say something out loud...... that we are all afraid to admit! I'm not a perfect mom, staying at home is hard, and I wish that instead of other women coming down on me for staying at home.... they would take a long walk in my shoes before judging me because I don't work!

At the end of the day we are all raising our children and trying to be the best moms we can! My husband and I make sure our children have all their needs met and that they are happy...... and shouldn't that really be what every mom, stay at home or not, is working towards.... happy, healthy children!

** I hope this helped any of you girls out there that have wanted to say all these things but just couldn't find the words to!**