News!

Well, I have some interesting news...... just as I started saying in a previous post I was going to stay on top of blogging..... my whole world changed! Now, I have been debating on whether to put this out into the blogging world but I finally decided to spill my guts because this little place has become not only about my interest in running and keeping a home but a release to say what I think without feeling gagged and bound by my words! So to get back to the point........ I am getting a divorce!

The day after writing my last post I found out that my husband had been cheating on me...... my whole world instantly fell apart because I built my whole life around that man and our family and in just an instant our little happy life together went up in smoke.

During the time that my husband and I were dating we both agreed that cheating was the one thing that would lead to a divorce..... but I never thought in a million years that my husband would do this. I will spare you all some the details but my husband didn't cheat on me one random night with some girl at some bar..... he had a 6 month relationship with some woman from high school that he reconnected with over facebook. For a little bit I thought I could get past it and forgive him if it was one time and it was some drunken moment but when I found out that he not only talked to her for attention but they often talked about me and our marriage problems. Needless to say I have been devastated but I have to be strong not because I feel like that is the only way to get through this but because I have two little girls that depend on me for everything and if I break down and stay in bed they are not getting the mother that the deserve and need!

Now many of you might be asking why I would post something to deeply personal on my blog.......... well I have this bottled up in side. My heart is shattered and I can't express it because I am constantly busy all day with my girls and no one seems to truly understand how this has killed me. I thought that this could be therapeutic for me and maybe help some other woman that might be going through this!

I have gotten a million pieces of unsolicited advice..... several people have asked me if I am sure he was cheating and if I would consider staying with him.... at least for our daughters. Here's the short answer yes and no. Yes, I do positively know that my husband was cheating. He has admitted everything to me! And no I won't stay with him. It's not because I don't love him..... I very much do! It's that I have turned into this woman who I don't recognize. I don't want to spend everyday for the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. I don't want to be the crazy wife that can't get over what my husband did and punish him for the rest of his life!

I've chosen to leave for these simple facts.......

1. I have spent our whole relationship focusing on what he wanted..... I gave up on my dreams and ambitions because it wasn't going to serve the greater cause, my family. No one asked me but I did it because I thought that supporting my husband and helping him find what he wanted in life was more important than some silly dream of mine. Besides all I have ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother but not like this. I have realized that loving myself and taking care of me is just as important as loving my husband and my children.

2. My girls deserve better than a mother that settled. I don't want to stay with my husband because it's easier than leaving, or because I didn't have any other options. I deserve to be treated with respect and that is not what I was getting while my husband and I were planning to renew our vows while he was having a relationship with another woman. I want them to know that no matter what happens you can get through it...... you can chase your dreams and find a better you after the dust settles. And at the end of the day they will be happier with two parents that are apart and have a friendship then two parents that are married and unhappy!


So there's my news! Not good news but I am going to make the best of it! I'll be going back school to finish my degree and I am bound and determined to create a meaningful and happy childhood for my children.... because you only get one chance with your kids!!!!! I hope that when my girls are my age and look back at this time in their lives they will respect and admire me the way I respect and admire my mother! I know that it won't be easy and there will be unbearable times but I'll get through this...... and not only will I make it out a better Tiffany but a better mom!

PS:
I heard this quote from the movie The Women and it really resonated with me so I wanted to share:

"It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream you know the one when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but its all out of your control, you cant trust anything anymore, no one is who they say they are, your life is changed forever, and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no one will be able to break your heart like that again."